Long distance relationships

Many people try to build healthy  romantic relationships when they are continents apart. It is a challenge. Everyone has a different experience but since I own a blog, I will share part of mine(*insert happy face*). Relationships are generally not easy. When you throw in the challenge of distance, it makes it downright difficult.

Personally, I have not been successful in cross continent relationships. Several reasons: a) They were not “the one”. b) They were not serious/committed. c) My experiences changed me.

When I moved I was young and as I matured into myself, my perspective on a lot of things changed. Especially in my culture, For example:A son should consult with his wife not his mother before he makes a decision for his home. The man should also help cook and/or clean the house. Even when it came to money, I remember a guy told me he couldn’t date me because I made more than he did (ridiculous right?). Point number 1: People will change and mature. Allow them do that! Don’t belittle or be hard on them for it. Be sensitive and understanding.

Time difference is a PAIN. Of course a good relationship needs good communication, but that was difficult when 90% of the communication was through text. Nigeria is 6/7 hours ahead. When I am done with work/classes and able to talk, the person is already in bed or too tired to hold a meaningful conversation. Point number 2: You must find creative ways to make time for each other and make it a PRIORITY. It has to be a joint effort, not one sided. Sacrifices have to be made: sleep, time with friends etc.

There was a particular guy who asked me out for 3 straight years and I always said no.  My gut feeling just told me there was no future there. Point  Number 3: Listen to your gut feeling! it does not lie. However after the 3rd year I agreed to date him. I went back home that December to visit, I was there for 5 weeks. He only came to see me twice. yes TWICE. The second time was actually when I called him to come get his gifts. Can you believe he actually came, got the gifts and left. A lot of people asked why I did not collect the gifts back, my response: “why stoop down to that level of immaturity?” (Plus honestly what I bought wasn’t ridiculously expensive.)

Point Number 4: Know your worth.If someone is not treating you right. leave. I ended things with that Mr. I knew I deserved to be treated better so I left him. Even though there were guys asking me out, I decided to take a break from the dating scene. I learned next time to find someone who is 100% committed as I am, someone who doesn’t treat me like an option and someone who does not have “side chicks”. Of course you can’t fully know everything but ladies use your sixth sense! do not be in denial.

Fast forward a year later, I met my full-time amazing husband who loves and treats me like a queen!. Even though my experience was not the best, I believe if it’s a God approved relationship it will work. However, you both have to put in the WORK. There are tons of people who have made cross continent relationships work and you can too!

 

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