The hassle of dating outside your culture.

Relationships are work. When you throw in difference of cultures, tribes and then parental resistance to the mixture, it is twice as hard. This week is focused on parent-child relationship. Our first topic is dating!

I personally think culture is a great tool for self identity and self discovery. However, it can easily begin to feel like a trap, dungeon, death cage.  These words from parents “You must only date/marry from our culture” cut like a knife, especially when the child is  in love with someone, who doesn’t fit that criteria.

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One of the migrant girls I mentor is from Asia and her boyfriend is Caucasian. Her parents deeply disapprove and are threatening to disown her if she does not end the relationship. Their reason? He is from a different culture. They have not met him, they know nothing about his character. At this point, her relationship with her parents is strained extremely thin. Sadly, I have seen many stories like this.

I remember when I told a Nigerian friend of mine, I was dating a guy who wasn’t from my tribe. She was shocked! When I then told her he was not Nigerian she said “Will your parents even approve?” I believe love can not be put in a box. Regardless of race, tribe or ethnicity. We have a huge capacity to love ANYONE from ANYPLACE at ANYTIME. Love is about finding someone that speaks to the deepest part of you. If you happen to find that which is real and genuine, but that person doesn’t come from your culture, will you just throw it away?  On the flip side ,will you then go against your parents’ wishes?

The matters of the heart can be very tricky. You might ask yourself over and over again: “Do I want to risk it all for this person?” “Is this person worth it?” Then fear starts to set in “What if it doesn’t work out?” You may begin to doubt the love you share with this person. And just like that, your heart breaks into a billion pieces.

To be continued tomorrow…

 

 

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